2005-05-08 :: 10:16 a.m.
Carbondale

Lucy pooped on the bed at 4:30am this morning. Poor old girl. She poops in her sleep and gets terribly embarrassed by it.

After she woke and hopped off the bed Kevin put the light on to let her out and deal w/the turds. She started barking in the backyard while he was picking the dried nuggets up w/kleenex to drop them in the toilet bowl.

We hear the backdoor slam. We hear shambling footsteps in the kitchen. We stare at each other in shock and horror. It's 4:30am. We are both nude.

My first thought, ''ZOMBIES!'' We yank our clothes on yelling, ''WHO IS IT? GET OUT OF HERE!''

It's an incredibly intoxicated college guy. In this total moronic, Otis in Mayberry voice he whines, ''I'M AT THE WRONG HOUSEPARTY!'' Kevin shoos him toward the front door. It's like a giant drunk bird flew into our house.

Oh my God.